Date Night

Wow. Who is our favorite family? Ok...so you're not supposed to have favorites, but after five hours of child-free, dinner and a movie (free from a Christmas present from them), free babysitting, etc. how can they not be your favorite?

Friday night, we took the kids up to Rich and Wende's while we went to see the new National Treasure (4 stars!) and eat at Z-Tejas afterwards. It was really odd not having at least one with us, as I haven't been very good lately at taking Lisa on dates without the kids. We are so grateful for the night off. Sydney had a ball with Ethan, jumping on couches and throwing pillows everywhere. They played in the toy room and Sydney just had a great time. The twins were mostly good, but every time I'd call to check up (after movie, after dinner) she said they were just fine, to relax, and enjoy it.

We had fun afterwards hanging out chatting about this and that, finally realizing the very tired eyes of the twins, and headed home around 9. What a great day.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Big changes, small changes

What makes a man? I've seen people I want to emulate, and I realize how strong my desires are to change to attain their attributes and also to be consistent. I think some of this is mostly 'change and stick to it', but I like to make small changes, as the need arises. Nothing tests this resolve like new year's resolutions. Lisa is always kind to help me try to reach my goals, yet honest. We had a good chat the other day about my heroic ideas of changing all that I want to at once, and trying to make it stick. She's a great example of consistency.

While I'm doing well on some, and struggling on others, I've found confidence and greater resolve in the act of frequent reevaluation. As I look at who I am and what I struggle with, a few constants seem to arise.

1. Anxiety

I think this is my biggest change over the past year or so. I feel so much freedom from anxiety. I felt better off having anxiety over being humble in order to keep from being my worst fear - prideful and haughty. Now I definitely have some pride issues, but that's another entry. Things that are really important to you will always get precedence whether you stress over them or not. The realization now is that with less stress I can spend that worry time enjoying making changes in my life and enjoying becoming who I want to be.

2. Procrastination

This has also been a good change at times, but I'm not consistent. I think this is my biggest struggle right now. I think it partly has to do with having so many things on my plate right now. I think the focus is to remove the unnecessary to make it easier to do what I need to. As with my new year's resolutions, if I put off reading my scriptures until after work, I find I won't get to it until I'm ready for bed. Hopefully removing this beast will lower my anxiety even more.

3. Self pity

And thus the devil's three step plan is complete. I have a memory for what I need to remember (names, phone numbers, etc). Sadly, this also includes a lot of (sometimes painful) memories of past stupidity that brings a quick hand to the forehead. I've noticed a lot less of this going on, and hopefully that's because I'm being smarter about my decisions as well as forgiving myself for past woes.

It's a blessing and a curse to see potential in yourself, but with improvement comes esteem. I've been looking at how to increase my short-term memory lately and have come the the conclusion my issue is confidence. When I'm confident, I remember almost everything I want to.

Family Home Evening

Short. Simple. Message. These are the three goals I'm starting to learn from Lisa to becoming a parent who can communicate with their children. Let me expound on that:

Josh's lesson a month ago:

I was explaining how our faith was like a seed (mustard seed, but since she probably didn't know what mustard was, I just went with 'seed'). I then told her how if we listen to Heavenly Father, our faith will grow.

Sydney's response: "...into a tree?"

Lisa's response: muffled giggles

Lisa's lesson last night:

Lisa explained how the Liahona helped Lehi and his family know where to go when they did what Heavenly Father told them to - it would tell them the right way to go. "Sydney. What does the Liahona do?"

Sydney's response: "point us in the way we should go."

Lisa's response: "and if we listen to Heavenly Father, he'll guide us too."

Josh's response: "Short. Simple. Message."

Early dividends

For Christmas, Lisa received a digital slr. Obviously it's starting to pay off. I'm sure a room will shortly be turning into a studio, but hopefully that doesn't mean I booted out of my office.

Sunday fun

The past few weeks we've been having a different family come over for dinner and/or games, and getting to know the ward better. It's really sad that it hasn't been family, as it's hard to ask family to drive 45 minutes south to enjoy meal and good company, packing up kids, missing bedtimes, etc. With the twins going to bed around 7/7:30 and Sydney at 8:15, we really can't get out, and feel bad asking others to trek to our place. It's really nice getting to know more families, making friends, and getting to know more people in the ward. We live in a really great ward, but feel amiss that we don't know very many people.

New Year's Resolutions 2008

I always wonder what it's like meeting me for the first time, or people starting to realize the strange way in which my mind works (or doesn't). Such will happen as you read this entry.

In the past, I've always started my new year's resolutions a week or two in advance (sometimes longer), in an attempt to fix problems in my plans to get things right on January 1. I'm tired of hearing about people who make and break resolutions so easily, or their resolution is to not make resolutions (already breaking their own resolution NOT to make resolutions). So in this mindset (or insanity), here are my resolutions, how I've done the past two weeks, and what helped/hindered. I don't think we ever accomplish goals unless we prevent or test our theories (I'm an excellent software tester - see why?). P.S. Thanks to Kevin Carter for the idea to post this year's resolutions. My goals are all about consistency, feeling that order, patterns, and such will provide less anxiety and more self esteem through setting and keeping goals.

As learned from the gospel, fix what bothers you the most. I'm always trying to fix things that I don't like about myself, but note there are a lot of things to fix (like my self esteem). I really like new years resolutions though, as it's a good time to take a crack at what's still bothering you from last year or new changes that need to be made. I think it was my dad, when Bishop, who told someone struggling to read the scriptures every day to call him every day they missed. He said he only had one phone call before they never wanted it to happen again. So aptly starts my list:

1. Read the scriptures daily. I haven't been perfect or near perfect at reading the scriptures daily. I didn't want to set a time limit or requirement, nor how much should be read. This isn't to say I can read a verse and call it good. My hope is that as I become more consistent the way in which my reading expands my understanding also could change the way I read.

Last week: 5/7.
So far this year: 2/2.

2. Stop biting my fingernails. It's sad...yes...I bite my fingernails. For two brief weeks this year I didn't bite my fingernails and they looked great and I felt less stressed. I think it was the week after I graduated and before the twins were born. Correlation? Maybe. The hardest part about this is it's something to stop, not something to do. If I put my scriptures where I see them, set my alarm, and get up to read, it's easier to get to it. Biting my fingernails out of anxiety is very hard to stop. No, I won't paint my fingernails. No, it's hard to type at work while wearing gloves. I think I'll need some comments on how to make this work.
Last week: 0/7.
So far this year: 0/2.

3. Monthly temple attendance. With Lisa feeding the twins, it has been hard choosing to make time for the temple each month. Sure, I'd like to go more, but my goal is this and I want to be consistent. We're hoping to go Saturday, with my parents watching the kids that afternoon. No stats yet this year, minus I've made calls to try to setup babysitting.

4. House projects. Well...this one is a bit harder to make as a goal. I want to do better, and want to be able to complete goals, not just do better. I will set aside four hours for working on house projects on Saturday, cleaning the house, etc. (whatever needs to be done). If more time is needed, we'll look at taking time off, or something else to make things work. My "prevent defense" on this one is to get Lisa to commit to The List of Projects, in order of priority, so I can prepare to do the work assigned. If she can help get the supplies beforehand, it'll greatly help things move faster.

5. Quality time. I'm sure it won't work this way every day, but this is how my goal lays out:

A. An hour with the three kids (mostly with the twins, as normally one needs to be held, plug inserted (binky), etc)
B. An hour with Sydney once the twins go to bed (depends on when the twins go to bed, not to keep Sydney up too late)
C. An hour with Lisa. If she wants to scrapbook instead, so be it.

I was browsing the web a few weeks ago to see how much time the average father spends with his children. I looked over statistics from the American Time Use Survey (ATUS), and found it unhelpful. It didn't specify fathers working full time, approximate age of children, etc. My goal is to spend quality time with my family. For Lisa to get a break, I can't just spend time with one of the kids except for with Sydney after the twins have gone to bed or when they're taking a nap on Saturday. For now, here's my plan. If I get up at 6:00, read scriptures, lift weights, shave, shower, and eat, I should be ready to work at 7:15. If I'm done with work by 4:15/4:30, I can help with the kids while Lisa makes dinner, and then get to spend time with the kids until they go to bed. Then hopefully some one on one with Sydney until she goes to bed. Then time with Lisa.

As always, I'd love your feedback, tips on how to do these things better, as well as other resolutions you wished I'd have made ;)

Couches have arrived!

After quite the rough times (see earlier blog) RC Willey finally delivered our couches Monday. They need to be worked in a little, but they're great. The question is how long I'll have to wait before going back into that store and expecting "Customer Service".